Message to all you fierce queens out there...
Updated: Mar 8
A reminder for International Women's Day for all the females
Ladies, this one is for you. A special blog to all of you beautiful and wonderful human beings, you hard workers, supportive friends, lionesses, mothers, loving wives, caring daughters, sisters, passionate lovers... Grab yourself a cup of tea, a glass of wine or some beer or whatever it is that you fancy right now, put your feet up and enjoy this blog.
"G-string, period, kids and other worries..."
Let's just stop for a second and think how much sh*t we need to put up with on a daily basis...
From the moment we get up in the morning we are often made to feel like we need to look our best. It's like we are about to go on a catwalk in front of Tyra Banks. We get rid of every unnecessary hair on our bodies before applying oils or body creams. Then off to the face... use a face wash, then a tonic, then a serum, next a cream and a sun cream, concealer, foundation, powder, bronzer, blush, mascara, brows, something on the lip... OK, hair next... How about accessories? Which earrings should I wear today? Which rings? Which perfume? What about a handbag?
Let's start with this one thing that we cannot wait to take off when we get home... A bra! Not only do we need to decide on a colour (depending on what colour top we are wearing that day) but also whether we need to wear a padded bra or if a bralette will do (again, depending on the top we are wearing but also how cold it is that day...). How about panties? "Can I get away wearing a Bridget Jones style today or is the shape going to "show" through my tight jeans? Wait! I'm going to the gym today, so definitely Brazilian or g-string!"
Before we have even left the house in the morning we have had to make a hundred decisions. How we ever have the capacity to make any further decisions that day is beyond me!
Period and no period nightmares
Not only do we have to put up with having these monthly occurrences which leave us hormonal, spotty, bloated, wanting to binge and in pain, we also worry about having a leak while sitting on a cream sofa in a meeting in the afternoon. How many times have you looked behind when you stood up just to check? Argh...
That's only one worry relating to periods. Another one is being late. All of a sudden the previously mentioned issues seem so insignificant that we would take them back in a heartbeat, promising never to complain ever again! When our period is late we re-think our whole lives and start making decisions based on "what if..." and we start thinking what we are going to tell our partners, our parents, our friends, work colleagues. We start thinking about all the future plans we made and how we won't be able to go on that holiday we had planned in September. We begin to organise childcare and worry about money... Like we don't have enough to stress about!
Taking the pill at the same time each day or tracking your temperature each morning, or whatever your choice of birth control is, is just another thing on our already busy life agenda.
And if you are a mother... then I salute you! I don't know how you manage to juggle all those balls at once! Your morning might look completely different to the one I described earlier. I don't have children myself but I've seen those movies so I can imagine what that might look like.. I hope yours is nothing like the scene from "Home Alone" where the whole family sits by the table and eats pizza before they go on holiday the next day... The milk gets spilled everywhere, there are arguments about who's eaten who's pizza, there's all the shouting and "go to your room!" drama.
After breakfast there's the school run and rushing to work where you have deadlines to meet, projects to complete, people to manage, meetings to attend and many other responsibilities. I'm feeling exhausted just listing it all! Then you go home but "work" doesn't stop. There is dinner to prep, tidying up to do, homework to help with, children to bathe, little rascals to put to bed, before you can finally sit down with your partner with a glass of wine and catch up on Netflix. I hope that you have a supportive partner or at least cooperative children because that's a lot for one person to handle!
I don't mean your friends putting pressure on you to drink on a Friday night. It's the questions you get asked as a woman:
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No? Why not?"
"Yes? When are you getting married?"
"Why aren't you married? You've been together so long!"
"Do you have any children?"
"No? Why not?"
"When are you planning to have children? You're not getting any younger"
"How many children do you want?"
Some of us know exactly what we want and that's great. Others know what they don't want and that's also great. Some are still trying to figure it all out, and that's fine too! It is hard enough being aware of the fact that we women have a time limit and sometimes are so scared of missing the window of opportunity. We do not need any more frustrating questions being asked by people who's business it isn't anyway. You do you and don't compare yourselves to those around you. And if you decide not to get married and not to have children that doesn't mean you are going to be a lonely sad cat lady when you are older. Just look at Oprah Winfrey!
On a more serious note, besides the usual day-to-day worries and frustrations, we also battle with other more important stuff. We beat ourselves up by not being good enough mothers or wives, by not giving enough, by not doing enough, by not working hard enough. We rarely give ourselves a break and a pat on the back for powering through the day. Trust me when I tell you this, you do not need anyone's reassurance that you are good enough. You need to know this in your heart. Don't give that power to someone else because it can be damaging in the hands of the wrong person.
I speak to a lot of women and know that most of us are dealing with some issues like trauma, a toxic relationship, caring for an ill family member, struggling with anxiety, depression, or other difficulties. This can make us question our abilities, our worth and leave us with low self-esteem, lack of confidence and self-belief. If you have ever experienced these, then you know how dark of a place this can be. So look in the mirror, sit straight, put your head up, smile to yourself and tell yourself how good of a job you are doing despite the many wounds you had to mend or are still mending.
We all go through tough times and it is important that we are not only kind to ourselves but also to other women. Have you ever heard this saying: "Real queens fix each other's crowns"? So, don't be a d*ck, be a real queen! You never know what other people are going through. A simple "how are you?", a kind word or a smile can make someone's day.
"Wow... come to think of it... us women are insanely heroic!"
I've never sat down and written it all out before, but when you look at it, even the most mundane day in the life of a woman can be likened to a day in the life of a superhero. We're all Wonderwoman... and you just know that we'd rock that outfit! Take a moment and appreciate yourself. You are doing your best with the tools you've been given and if others don't think so then... well, show them who's wearing the crown!